


Toy Soldiers

by akatsuki_tsukiyomi (Yumi25Nakashima)



Series: First Blush [26]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Post-War, Reader-Insert, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28546119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumi25Nakashima/pseuds/akatsuki_tsukiyomi
Summary: It wasn't my intention to mislead youIt never should have been this wayWhat can I say?
Relationships: America (Hetalia)/Reader
Series: First Blush [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089500
Kudos: 6





	Toy Soldiers

**Author's Note:**

> (F/N) - Reader's First Name  
> (L/N) - Reader's Last Name  
> Alfred F. Jones - America's official human name

**_Before the war_ **

She was in hysterics when the draft notice came in—three days before she was set to marry the love of her life. Now, she sat under the shade of the Northern oak in her family's estate. The sun was shining bright, the sky calm, and the clouds sparse. It was a beautiful day but she felt her stomach twist in continuous knots, making her queasy from the unease.

The grass crunched softly under someone's boots. The sound came closer and closer and she looked up to meet her fiancé's blue eyes, worriedly looking at her as he brought a hand up to his face to block out the dazzling sunlight.

"Hey," he softly called. She looked blankly at him, too tired and numb at the same time to make any verbal response. It had already sunk in that he was to go.

' _When your country calls, you go_ ,' she heard her grandfather's voice say in her head. A painful sting spread through her chest again and she hung her head in defeat. No matter how many realizations hit her, it would not lessen the pain of Alfred leaving, and possibly never coming back.

She scooted over a little in her seat to offer him space and he took the offer, taking his place beside her on the wooden bench. His cologne mingled pleasantly with the smell of nature around them. She felt his arm looped around her shoulders and she heard herself sigh as he pulled her back to lean on his chest. She buried your face into his neck, miserable.

"It'll be over before you know it," he whispered. It didn't bring any reassurance. He took her hand in his. The way her name fell off his lips was bittersweet.

"We don't have to postpone," he started, pressing his lips near her ear. "I want to marry you. The preparations are ready. We just have to give the go-signal. Hell, we could have our wedding right here."

It pained her to think that your special day would be so rushed in light of this unprecedented event. She wanted to marry him, but she didn't want to be rushed into it.

"I need some time to think about it," she said. He let go of the topic and hugged her close. Without words, she felt comforted by his presence.

\---

"I," Alfred said his name. "Take you," her name sounded ethereal coming from his lips. Any thoughts of what was to come disappeared from her mind. She could hear no one but him; she could see no one but him. "To be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us."

Her tears threatened to fall as he continued, saying her name again. "I take you as my wife, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you need help and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life."

She repeated after the officiant, just as Alfred did. Her tears finally broke free from her eyes as he held the wedding ring hovering just before her finger.

"Repeat after me," the officiant's voice said. "I give you this ring,"

"I give you this ring,"

"As a visible and constant symbol,"

"As a visible and constant symbol,"

"Of my promise to be with you as long as I live."

Alfred choked on his words, "Of my promise to, to be with you. As long as I live."

She could feel your face scrunch up in both sadness and joy. As he slipped the wedding band on her finger, she could feel the firmness of his grip on her hand, afraid that she'd disappear at that moment. The officiant asked her to repeat after him as she too held the wedding ring before Alfred's finger. Both their hands were trembling.

"I," her started, voice small. "Give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise," she suppressed a whimper before it could leave her lips. Her tears continued to fall and she could feel herself getting close to a fit of hiccups. 

"To be with you as long as I live."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." At that, identical smiles broke through both their faces. They were married.

"You may kiss the bride," her veil was lifted before the officiant even finished and Alfred had captured her lips in his, one hand pulling her in by the waist and the other resting securely on her cheek. The overwhelming feeling of his affection and the realization that they were having their first kiss as a married couple drowned out any embarrassment from her. She kissed him back with equal vigour.

\---

**Present-day**

"Join me?" She asked her husband. The space beside her on the bed was cold and empty. The cold night air drifted in through the open doors of the veranda where Alfred stood. He hummed a quiet noise of agreement, a sound so quiet she wasn't sure if he had actually replied. Still, he did not move. He continued looking at the horizon. 

She realized that nowadays, the night sky became his sole companion. He no longer wanted to be by her side when his eyes cloud over or when his mouth is sewn shut by the thoughts bombarding his brain—or rather, he dare not to. He does not want her to witness his brokenness, nor does he want to drag her to the depths of it.

The war had changed him, which was very apparent to all, even to both of them. She was not sure if he had even come back at all. The man by her side, or more accurately, the man she tried to keep by her side, seemed far from the man she had married. 

She laid back on the bed. Lately, she felt too exhausted to do anything. The mere thought of trying to cope with this situation brought fatigue she never thought she'd experience. The anxiety and loneliness she had felt during the time of war paled in comparison to the gaping hole Alfred's lack of presence left in her chest. She felt as though there was a weight pulling her heart down to her gut, but also felt as though her chest cavity had been hollowed out. She did not know what to do anymore. It had only been two months, but those two months had been excruciating to handle.

The soft rustling of sheets snapped her from her daze and she realized that Alfred had climbed into bed with her, already laying on his side and turned away. Heaving a heavy sigh that she knew he heard, she closed her eyes. The pain, the rejection, the apathy, all of the negative feelings permeating through her skin had her at a loss for words.

She wanted so badly to talk about it. She needed nothing more than to let all her worries spill past her lips, but she couldn't do it. She wasn't frozen, rather she was floating away from herself. She was losing her sense of reality with how surreal the past two months have been. Past all of her coping, she had crumbled and fallen apart.

She knew that he has changed. He understood that he is not the man she was expecting back into her embrace. He can understand how hard it must be for her to practically have a stranger in the skin of her husband. He knew, and yet he did not do anything about it. What was he meant to do?

Alfred, her war-torn soldier came home to a ticking-time-bomb-of-a-wife. She realized that it was his death, the death of the man she loved, on that battlefield that pulled her trigger. Now, they lay close yet miles apart with even sleep forsaking them. Two ghosts, unable to find home.

**Author's Note:**

> The story is loosely based off of the song 'Toy Soldier' by Martika. This seems open-ended but I intended it to be that way. I hope you enjoyed reading till the end and I hope I conveyed the feelings of grief and sadness appropriately and enough in this one-shot. It took a while, but I'm somehow satisfied with how this turned out. Looking forward to your thoughts on this one. I interpreted the song lyrics in the way I found them fit and I hope it works for you as much as it works for me.
> 
> This was originally published in Wattpad on Jan 17, 2020.


End file.
